Caregiving Through the Generations: Baby Boomers

Join us for a look at caregiving for older adult relatives through the lenses and lives of different generations. First look is the Baby Boomers, my generation.   

Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. Today, they are between the ages of 79 and 65 years old. This generation was the fastest growing segment of the population at the time. We lived through  a significant period of social and political change.  Those 18 years in our nation’s history shaped who we are. The characteristics of baby boomers are a strong work ethic, optimism, goal oriented, resourceful, adaptive, health and wellness, as well as loyalty to family.  

At some point in our lives, we will be called upon to care for a parent or relative.  This is because we are living longer than we ever have.  Life expectancy has been on the rise since the 1940’s. And women are more likely to be the identified caregiver as women live longer than men. 

The caregiving experience is unique for everyone. It can depend on your age, your parents’ age, your relationship, finances as well as the availability of other supports. Having other siblings, family members and the ability to hire caregivers creates a more robust support team.  

My father died suddenly when I was in my last year of undergraduate program, I felt an instant desire to protect my mother, and it has not left me. I was the youngest in my family and the only single child. My mother had a strong feeling that she would not live to old age, given her own mother’s death at age 52. I am happy to report that my mother is 95 years old, I am sixty-seven with three adult children and five grandchildren.   

Much like the Gen Z’ers, we are sandwiched in between the needs of our children and parents, and we have grandchildren as well. The Baby Boomers are likely to be retired or near retirement and have grandchildren of various ages. Our goals are to have money set aside for retirement, find what we enjoy, babysit the grandchildren when able and check in on our parents. It sounds like a lot of juggling, and it is!      

Here are some helpful reminders for your caregiving journey: 

1. Communication:  Talking to your parents is important as you will become an integral part of their care plan.  Having discussions about home care or making a move is necessary and you want to know what is important to them. My experience is that many parents are not interested in this discussion and refuse any changes to their life. Being open and honest with them is the best way to approach the conversation as well as expressing your concern for their wellbeing. Be patient as this may be a recurring discussion. You may need to tell them about your own health issues that limit your ability to be a caregiver for them. 

2. Listen: Many older adults have fears of having care in their homes or making a move to a senior living community. Once you understand their fears, it is time to learn more about care in the home  and senior living communities so you can help them better understand. My mother told me she would know when it was ready to leave her home as a way to end a conversation. I asked her to tell me what that will look like so that I can know. After much thought, she said when she could no longer walk down the street to attend church on her own. When that time came, and more discussion, she told me what would be important for her in a senior living community. We toured a community that met all of her specifications, and she agreed to move.  
3. Observe: Be realistic and know that changes will occur. Notice big and subtle changes in your parents. Be mindful of how they are walking, paying bills, their diet, their  medications, sleeping, the condition of their home, hygiene, and memory issues. Offer to take some tasks off their plate or suggest bringing in help. If you see changes, you know you need to bring up the discussion of care or a move sooner rather than later. Planning ahead is better than having to make rushed decisions.  
4. Help: You will need a support team. I rallied my siblings and became the quarterback of team “Marie.” We agreed on doing what was best for Mom and that was our guiding star. Our sibling texts were extensive: sharing our thoughts, divvying up tasks and checking in on Mom as well as each other. You will need to bring in other family members or professionals to the support team. Review their schedule regularly to find out what is needed, fill in those gaps with family or paid caregivers.     
5. Action items: This list is imperative to get completed. Make sure your parents have these important documents completed: Will completed, Power of Attorney for Health Care and Finances, Living Will, DNR orders. Make a list of their Physicians, diagnosis, medications, insurance numbers, family members names and phone numbers and place it on their refrigerator. Ask if they have a Long-Term Care policy and review it carefully for the eligibility criteria. This is also the time for us Baby Boomers to make sure we have these action items completed.     

Whether you are caregiving for your parents near or far, it is an added responsibility for you at this time in your life. While you have life experience and wisdom on your side at this time, you may also have your own health issues. It is best to remember that you need to take care of yourself in order to care for others. This period of time will give you the opportunity to consider what you want as you continue to age. Use this time to communicate with your own children about your wishes. You are modeling how to take care of your parent for your own children and grandchildren. 

Next up: Caregiving as a Gen X.